By Jamie Bellavance
She was a bombshell when you met her, but as long-term commitment settled in so did a few extra pounds on her hips. We all gain a little weight as we age, but if she now ignores healthy habits altogether, it's time to help her realize the risks, without being cruel. There's a fine line between insulting her, and helping her. Learn how to approach the subject the right way.
You'll never get anywhere if you say, "Looks like you've put on a few pounds" or "Are you really going to eat that?" Most people are well aware that they've gained weight, and criticizing her actions will probably make her increase her unhealthy behavior, to defy her "controlling" husband or boyfriend, says Edward Abramson, Ph. D., Professor Emeritus of Psychology at California State University, Chico, and author of Body Intelligence.
The best thing you can do is to be a nutritional and fitness role model and support healthy behavior. "Let her see you engaging in healthy habits," Dr. Abramson says. "When she does something that's more desirable – like preparing a healthy meal or turning down dessert -- make sure it's recognized and appreciated." Here are 11 ways to get your girl to slim down, without hurting her feelings.
1. Focus on health, not weight
If you want to discuss weight gain with her, do so after she returns from a doctor's appointment, Dr. Abramson says. When she returns from the physician, ask, "Did the doctor bring up any health concerns?" Use this opportunity to discuss high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and the importance of becoming more active and eating healthier together in order to live a longer life, be more active with your children, or to prepare for childrearing if you want to have kids in the future. Always use the phrase, "Let's do this together."
2. Make it a team effortDo anything you can to encourage physical activity as a couple. Suggest walking after dinner, biking, hiking, working in the yard, or even washing the car. Make it fun. Join a softball team or bowling league together. "Couples that play together, stay together," says Debra Mandel, Ph. D. psychologist and author of Healing the Sensitive Heart. It doesn't have to be a 2-hour sweat session in the gym. Someone who has previously been sedentary won't want to do that right off the bat. "Do anything to get her off the couch and into life," Dr. Mandel says.
3. Go grocery shopping together
"Make grocery shopping a couples' project, so she feels like she has your support," Dr. Mandel says. Establish healthier eating habits by emptying your kitchen cabinets of refined carbohydrates, sugar, soda, junk food, and other processed foods, says Kristin Reisinger M.S. R.D., personal trainer and nutritional consultant. Replace white bread and white rice with whole grain products and more vegetables. "If someone eliminates refined carbohydrates, they'll see weight loss after a few weeks," Reisinger says. Here's your healthy shopping list.
4. Make her dinner
You want her to eat healthier? Then cook for her. Pick up a healthy cookbook or a magazine like Cooking Light, and put together a healthy meal. "Volunteering to do some of the cooking is a great way to show her how to make healthy choices, and on the other hand, the wife or girlfriend is going to appreciate his sharing in that responsibility," Dr. Abramson says. "It makes her life a little easier."
5. Take on more responsibility
Enable her to have the time to work out, says Deanna Conte, M.S., R.D., L.D., co-author of A Guy's Gotta Eat. If you have children, volunteer to watch the kids, or you can simply pick up other responsibilities around the house or take on some of her chores. That way, she can't say, "I don't have time."
6. Make it a habit
If it's affordable, buy 10 personal training sessions, and join the gym together, Dr. Mandel says. If the money's already been spent on the lessons, she'll feel obligated to go. The trainer will help her feel comfortable in the gym, and encourage her with positive reinforcement. Set aside time throughout the week to go to the gym, and make it part of your weekly schedule. "Do it together, so it feels more supportive," Dr. Mandel says.
7. Or take her to the gym with you
If she's intimidated by the gym, take her there and go through all the cardio machines and weight-training methods with her, says Reisinger. Or you can encourage her to take a fitness class like kickboxing, yoga, or pilates and do it with her. Once she's there and sees a lot of other women taking the classes, she'll catch on and want to do it for herself.
And don't ignore weight training. It can help her see results faster. "A lot of times women don't want to work out with weights because they think it will bulk them up," Reisinger says, "Teach her proper form, and her insecurity will go away." Show her basic weight-lifting exercises that hit all areas of the body, like these moves in the Abs Diet Circuit.
8. Take a dancing class
She'd rather stay home and watch Dancing with the Stars? Engage her interests by signing up for a dance class. Fitness doesn't always have to be attained in a gym. "You need to find physical activities that are enjoyable to her. Dancing is physical, involves movement, and will get her heart rate up," Dr. Abramson says. "It's not seen as a chore, or something she'll dread having to do."
9. Bring it home
Bring fitness equipment and healthy cookbooks into the home, but don't give them as gifts. "I don't recommend going out and buying a Stairmaster, and putting a big bow around it," says Conte. Purchase fitness equipment for yourself, and encourage her to use it with you, she adds. The same goes for diet books. Buy a book like the South Beach Diet for yourself, and say you find it interesting. Set an example of fitness and healthy eating, and hopefully you'll find she'll want to do it for herself.
10. Don't be a hypocrite
If you expect her to care about her weight, it's not helpful to order a pizza and eat it in front of her. "Be conscious of what you're eating," Conte says. "You need to play an active, helping role, whether you're dining out or eating at home." Order healthy items to be supportive. And if you absolutely must have that hot fudge sundae? Go out and eat it elsewhere, instead of bringing it home and eating it in front of her.
11. Have realistic expectations
Men need to understand that a woman's metabolism slows with age, while a man's metabolism stays strong longer in life, Dr. Mandel says. "Men need to be realistic in their goals," she says. "It's not realistic for a woman in her 40s to look like she did in her 20s." Think in terms of health, fitness, and realistic attraction, not Hollywood perfection.
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